1) Am I really about to attempt to buy anything from Target right now? Let’s hope the site doesn’t crash like it did with Missoni.
2) Ugh, I’ve refreshed 5 times and I still have this girl tauntingly smiling at me behind her 3D flowers.
4) *Does some research, recalls that Target’s HQ is NOT located in the East Coast.*
5) Confirmed. Target located in Minneapolis MN and is on Central time. Maybe we’ll have better luck at 1am. Let’s twitter know that 1am might be the golden hour for us East Coasters due to this revelation. #East Coast Time Probz.
7) Minnesota is the most random state ever for an HQ. Why not New York like every other retailer?
9) Great, my phone is almost dead.
10) How am I supposed to transfer my purchases between mobile and desktop?
11) Pineapple Sandals. HELL YES. Twitter for the win, again.
12) Where are these girls getting these mobile leaks? Something seems fishy…
13) Wait I just put my sandals in my cart, why does my cart say it’s empty?!
14) Let me add them again!
15) Ok I’ve got my sandals, for sure they are in my cart. Screen cap to make sure.
16) Oh the Outdoor Blankets are live! Thanks twitter!
17) OKAY WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! WHY IS MY CART EMPTY AGAIN, I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF CHECKING OUT!
18) I can’t believe something was bought from my cart under my nose while I was checking out.
20) Really pissed off now.
21) Let’s see what’s already on eBay..
22) These are some sketchy people who already selling these items on eBay. They are literally going to have to wait for the item to come in and then send them out. But their making 100% profit. I guess that’s capitalism for you.
23) I guess I’ll settle for the size 9 Pineapple Flip Flops and pray they fit. And I guess I’ll get the white outdoor blanket even though I wanted pink.
24) ROYALLY PISSED OFF! My cart has been spinning that gray wheel of death for 10 minutes now. I think their site has officially crashed.
25) Target probably didn’t anticipate Lilly Lovers to underhand their sneaky release and expose all the mobile links on twitter.
26) Really pissed off that my cart is broken.
27) SCREW IT. Looks like I’m waking up and going to the store tomorrow. My Kimono better be available online when I wake up.
28) *sets alarm for 6:30am*
29) damn I’m tired.
30) I don’t wake up this early for work.
31) Mental note: I need to start waking up earlier for work.
32) I’m going to snooze until 7.
33) OH WAIT! What if my “online only” kimono is going to be online?!
34) HELL YES! THANK YOU SWEET MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS HOLY!
35) Size small. Add to cart.
36) Oh lemme pop over to home wares.
37) Pink Outdoor Blanket in stock! Bless you sweet Gods of Target. Bless you.
38) Are you effing kidding me?! How is my cart empty again.
39) Am I being Punk’d? Where’s Ashton Kutcher.
40) Is Ashton Kutcher even relevant anymore?
41) I can’t believe he’s 37. He’s still hot though.
42) DAMN. The pink is sold out again! UGH. White it is then!
43) I like white better.
44) Better make myself look halfway decent to get to Target.
45) I feel disgusting. My hair needs to be washed and I could have used some concealer and some mascara on this face.
46) I should probably wear a hat. *looks in mirror*
47) I should definitely wear a hat.
48) Better wear my keds! Might be running.
49) I hope I’m not going to get there and be last in line.
50) Do my eyes deceive me?! Am I really going to get front row parking AND be 10th in line?
51) This line is really small, this could be a good sign.
52) These girls look hungry in front of me. Like we might be running. This might be like the Hunger Games mixed with Greek Week. Luckily my sorority has won Greek Week for the past 7 years.
53) Oh great, someone from my high school is right behind me. Cue awkward hello’s and how-are-you-doing’s.
54) You’re my competition. I’m not being nice to you. And I am definitely not telling you what I’m after.
55) She did run faster than me in track though… crap.
56) Aw how nice! They’re bringing us complimentary mini hot chocolates from Starbucks!
57) Resist the temptation Cynthia, this will slow you down.
58) OMG my heart is palpitating.
59) There’s like two hundred people behind me. Not exagerating. Also there’s another line at the other entrance.
60) FUCK ME I’m standing in the Grocery side of Target….
61) Someone’s going to get trampled.
62) If we all make it out of here alive I’m going to be so happy.
63) Oh shit.. people are getting their racing stances ready.
64) The doors are opening…. May the odds be ever in my favor!
65) Doors are open!
66) OMG. we are RUNNING!
68) Screw it. I want that damn Fan Dance Shift Dress.
69) Thank God the Lilly section is closer to grocery. I’ll take the 1 second advantage.
70) OMG Pineapple Flip Flops! Size 9 and size 10. Screw all y’all, I need to try these on.
71) Early bird gets the worm.
72) Shift dresses, where are shift dresses.
73) Found them! Thank GOD everyone in front of me was a size 00 pre-teen.
74) OMG FAN DANCE IN MY SIZE.
75) Took the last size 4. Sorry I’m Not Sorry.
76) Damn, some lady just took the entire section of scarves. The fuck are you going to do with 28 scarves?
77) Scream over the commotion of 20 grown women fighting over bikinis to a sales associate, “Where’s the home section?!?!”
78) Sales associate said it was in the back right corner.
79) DAMN that’s like a half mile. Better start running.
80) Sales Associate says “No running”. Sorry didn’t hear you!
81) Almost just T Boned a lady turning the corner. That could have been the great Target Catastrophe of 2015. She just gave me the stink eye. WOMAN this is a HUSTLE zone, you are not hustlin’!
82) OMG the home section is like cleared out.
83) Literally just saw some lady with two shopping carts filled with pillows.
84) What is this Super Market Sweep?
86) What ever happened to Super Market Sweep? That was the greatest show ever. I’d totally win. I know where everything is in every store. Well maybe not every store… But I’d still totally win.
89) Okay, let me try on these sandals to see which size I need and if the shift even fits.
90) The workout area is literally the least stressful in the store. I’m going to sit down and try on my shoes.
91) Yup, the 10 definitely fits better than the 9. Runs small.. Well someone will be happy these pineapple shoes will be going back on the rack.
92) OMGAHH this Fan Dance shift is possibly the cutest thing to ever grace the face of the Earth. Except for my dog, but I can’t wear him.
93) Some lady literally just asked me while I’m wearing the shift if I was going to keep that. Um yeah honey, sorry you strolled up to Target at 8 o’clock. Rookie.
94) Time to check out and head home. This was the most stressful 8 hours and 5 minutes of my life. I could totally use a nap. And a xanax.
95) I might have PTSD from shopping the #LillyForTarget Collaboration.
Bonus: 96) I can’t believe the whole #LillyForTarget collab sold out in 4 minutes. Actually I totally can. #BuyMeLilly